Writer: Ezekiel Lee Zhiang Yang

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Watch this if you liked: "Creep"

Alright, here we have another straight-to-DVD release that got pushed to our shores after it failed to make the big screen in the U.S. - pop singer Pink's movie calamity "Catacombs".

Nobody's really bothered about her anyway (excuse the pun - but you're like Most Girls, You Make Me Sick and I can't Get The Party Started). The main attraction here is Shannyn Sossamon, the exquisite, rich man's Angelina Jolie look-alike you might remember from "A Knight's Tale" opposite the late Heath Ledger, and most recently in the similarly calamitous "One Missed Call". She's really got the looks, hasn't she? So why is she starring in mediocre efforts such as this Parisian caper?

Oh it turns out the whole shebang is only about the Catacombs of Paris but filmed in Romania with replica sets. Never mind. The backdrop is creepy enough. It's mazy, it's dark and it's sexy. In fact, this movie has some of the best photography I've ever seen, what with its postcard-perfect, in-the-dark shots of Shannyn and Pink running about in the maze looking for a way out. Hell it's like watching an MTV music video! The soundtrack is pretty near immaculate. Why then is this movie so badly rated?

It's the story. Revolving around a nervous American girl in Paris (Sossamon) who meets her crazy sister (Pink a.k.a. Alecia Moore) and her equally crazy friends, it could've been a popcorn movie with cheap, guaranteed thrills that would've put it on par with something like the latest "Halloween" at least. Instead, its choice of climactic closure leaves much to be desired. After running about for a good hour, I'm not sure the audience would be satisfied with such an unconvincing end to the spooky chase. Don't expect too much skin either if you're watching this in a scissor-happy territory.

Maybe Shannyn Sossamon is trying to be the next Sheri Moon Zombie. Maybe she really hates her modelling and DJ past that much. Her screen potential is immense so someone in Hollywood ought do something about her quick before she turns into Amy Winehouse or someone like that!

In any case, as far as this Euro pop punk chaser is concerned, slam this one in the C-grade DVD catalogue and then go buy it for some goth friend's Christmas present. A mutual friend is likely to receive the same DVD next year as long as you two keep quiet about it.

Cinema Online, 26 September 2008